BitterSweet

I just tucked my three little ones in bed for what is the last time in the only home they have ever known. The movers will be here on Thursday morning, and early next week we fly to Phoenix. I guess I'm feeling a little sad.

We moved into this house exactly nine years ago, in July of 2000. It was the biggest house that I had ever lived in, the first two-story, the first home that I owned, and almost too good to be true. Even so, it was supposed to be a temporary home, a two year pitstop, while we built our "real" home on some land that we had purchased in Bulverde. But while we were busy making those plans real life happened, and the dream house was set aside. The land was sold. The house plan books put away and forgotten.

Our "roomy house for three" became "comfortable for four," when G was born. T followed a year later, making it a bit tight, and finally M came along. Our house is now bursting at the seams with all of us. It is, after all, only a 3 bedroom home. And do I have to spell it out? There are SIX of us! We really need to get out of here.

I've been dreaming of getting out of this house for eons, but for the last few days, as I've packed and organized for the move, I'm feeling nostalgic. My oldest daughter has gone to school with the same kids since 1st grade. The other three have never lived anywhere else. And my youngest child was born right here, in my bedroom, with an amazing midwife and my best friend Carrie at my side. I think that single event has tied me to this house more than any other. Weird, considering I have absolutely no similar feelings for the hospitals where my other children were born.

This is turning out to be harder than I planned. What if I don't like Phoenix? What if I can't make any friends, or if the kids can't? What if there are bugs or snakes or scorpions or some other gawd-awful creatures in our new house? I worry that I won't have a neighbor to borrow things from, like I have in my next-door-neighbor Cindy. Or someone to call to watch my kids for a few minutes, like I have in Ashley, Judy, or Cindy. What if there aren't any kids on our new street, and the neighbors don't like for my kids to play outside on their bikes? What if...

I have worse fears, but I can't voice them (knock on wood for even thinking them).

Change is just so scary. But at the bottom of everything, I know that this is a good move for us, for our family. I'm super excited about our new house, and looking forward to cutting a new path in my jello.

And of course I know that we can always come back home if we don't like it there.

The pictures below are random images from the past few years. I'm looking forward to getting more, during the next few.